Fake Government Snow in Atlanta Gives Millions of People a Bad Day For No Reason

So, if you have been watching the news at all for the past week or so, you probably know that there was a HUGE catastrophic blizzard that hit Atlanta Georgia and sent the whole surrounding area into a state of panic and completely destroyed all ability to live. Yes, they got hit with a whopping 2 inches of snow. Wait, what the fuck? Did I hear myself correctly? Look, I know they aren't used to snow down there and probably don't have a budget to pay for sand and salt trucks, but come the fuck on. I've been in New England my whole life, I have had to drive on snowy, untreated roads before and, if you drive carefully, it's really not that bad. I would voluntarily drive in blizzards just to get to the store when I needed something. And I'm talking feet of snow when this happens, not inches. Yup, two goddamn inches. Everyone crashed and abandoned their cars, left their small children for dead on the side of the road, started gouging their eyes out at the horror, and simply and spontaneously died from 2 inches of snow.

Anyway, I didn't think that Atlanta could embarrass itself more than somehow turning a dusting of snow into an apocalypse, but they somehow exceeded all of my expectations. You ever get caught in a lie, and then instead of telling the truth you just use another lie and get yourself even deeper? Well that is how some people reacted to getting shamed after how they dealt with a little snow. Instead of being like, yeah, we know we suck so much, we should probably secede from the Union because we are an embarrassment to the rest of America, they decided to shove their heads even further up their own asses and come up with this idea that the reason all this happened was because this was not normal snow. Oh no, this was diabolical chemically engineered evil government super snow sent to destroy them. There are probably at least ten videos just like this one out there right now and they all have in the hundreds of thousands of views. So many people will never get that time back in their lives after watching these. Why do they think this? Because when they try to melt it with a flame, it doesn't turn right into water!

Well for fucks sake, with all that evidence, how could anything else be true. Clearly the government wanted to kill you all with fake snow that is exactly like real snow? This is what makes me ponder the idea that we should kill all the people below a certain IQ level. I would never do it, but stuff like this makes me think about it really hard. Honestly, what makes you think the government can create its own weather? They can't make the simplest decisions. They can't even spy on our phones without one of their own employees spoiling the secret to all of us--and you think they created a 2-inch snow storm? Do do what? Make you cold? What would it even accomplish? We have the most advanced military in the world--if they wanted you dead, you would all have biochemically engineered poison running through your tap, or better yet, they'd just blow the whole city up in one fell swoop and restart--which I'm starting to think wouldn't be such a bad idea.

When you know absolutely nothing about snow because you live in the south, other than that it is made of water, you really shouldn't set yourself up for failure like this. So let me explain why you are so dumb. First of all, have you ever tried to melt snow before? Because the first time you do something, I don't think you're allowed to make a conspiracy theory out of it if the results aren't what you thought they'd be. Listen Atlantians, the snow IS melting. You know what happens to snow when it melts?--it soaks the water up into itself and turns to SLUSH! Why the hell do you think when they put the juice in your snow-cone it doesn't just drip right out the bottom? Obviously, if you kept melting it, it would turn to water after the slush melted too. And the black that shows up on the snow in some of these videos doesn't prove that the snow isn't snow--it proves that you're using a lighter. The combustion of the chemicals in your lighter that produce the flame create carbon formations that are black, otherwise known as soot. It's why practically everything you burn with a direct flame turns black. The black is from the lighter, not some weird chemical make-up of the snow. Watch, put the damn snow in a hot pan on the stove and it will melt into heavier slush, and then that will melt into water and stay right in the pan so you can prove to yourself how dumb you are.

I'll tell ya, southerners, you're really not helping yourselves. You just don't get it. You keep thinking you can take all your bad ideas and trick everyone into thinking they are good ideas. Slavery, the Tea Party, inbreeding, government snow conspiracies? You're really not helping your cause.

In conclusion, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I've ever heard. At no point in your video were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber having listened to it. I award you no points, and may god have mercy on your soul.




P.S. - Unless of course, ever since you lost the civil war, you decided that we'd never let you leave on your own terms, and concluded that the only way to get out of the union was to trick us into thinking you're so dumb that we just get completely fed up and voluntarily kick you out. Sounds crazy. So crazy it just might work.

Paul Pierce Return To Boston (Added Post Game Interview Video)

Well I know I am like 4 or 5 days late on this but fucking sue me. I have been thinking about this subject everyday and I can’t get out of my head. Seeing Paul Pierce (and KG) playing the Boston Celtics in a Brooklyn Nets uniform was one of the hardest things I think I ever had to watch. And believe me I have seen some gross stuff. I was forced to watch some of Two Girls One Cup and trust me when I say I almost passed out. But back to the Truth, I always said Tom Brady retiring will be the saddest day of my sports life then Paul Pierce retiring will be second (Never added a third one but seeing Nomar leaving flirts with the three spot). I HATE Danny Ainge. I actually want that on my tombstone for when I go. Then under that I want “You Only YOLO Once” then under that “Ducks Fly Together” Then under that “Undisputed Rock, Paper, Scissors Champion of the Universe”.

I told CShepRKO when Pierce was traded that when he comes to the Garden and hits a step back jumper from the elbow it will be one of the toughest things I will ever have to watch. And even though it took him till the 3^rd quarter to do it, he did it. The tribute videos for both of them The Garden did were awesome. I know people complained about the timing of it but whatever. The Garden erupted when they came out in the introductions and obviously you got to respect the crowd for that. What I don’t like is the crowd cheering him on when 20 seconds were left and he got the ball to hit the half time buzzer beater. Don’t do that. You don’t ever want to cheer for an opponent scoring on your team.

So onto the topic of retiring the numbers. I’m not talking about Paul Pierce when I talk about this. Paul Pierce will obviously get the 34 up into the rafters when he is done with the game. Before the game started I would say Kevin Garnett doesn’t get the 5 up there. I would say he should just get the 21 up in Minnesota and that’s it. But after seeing the post game interview I am 100% on the bandwagon for him to retire his number. It is one of the most bone chilling things I have ever heard.

We will still bleed green.

Super Bowl Commercial Winner: Doritos

Called it from the jump. No contest. If you think different take a hike. Dog and horse was good and I have seen a shitload of soldier returning videos on Youtube that were a little better. Doritos trump all. If you aren't down with that (DX hand moves) then suck it!

Super Bowl Wrap Up

Super Bowl XLVIII was one for the ages. Even though the lead didn't change once in the game it was one hell of a statement game. It all goes back to one of the oldest sayings in sports, defense wins championships. Offenses are for the record books. As a Pats fan I know that i'm not an idiot. I obviously would of loved to see the Pats win against the Giants those two Super Bowls but honestly, we didn't have the right defense. Tom Brady is god but god only plays one side of the ball. Those three championships we had great defenses.

So lets talk defense. For the Broncos, there wasn't any. Just got bent over and took it. Took it straight in the ass. But the Seahawks defense gave me a hard on. Watching them putting a lickin on every receiver that came across the middle CLEANLY was unreal. Just so arousing. Just giving the Broncos no Yards After Reception which was visibly frustrating for them. They were able to get in Manning's head which not a lot of AFC teams have done to him this year. Getting a pocket passer off his rhythm is key and the Seahawks were able to do that. Only seems right Malcom Smith a defensive player got MVP.

BUT DON'T SLEEP ON RUSSELL WILSON! I never really thought of him as a great quarterback till that game. Unreal poise for a second year man. Just  delivered every ball just so crisp and on the money it was great to watch. He does a great peel move when he gets in trouble to buy him time that almost wishes we had a mobile quarterback. He is a great guy and you have to feel good for him. But I said before the players even put on their jockstraps that Percy Harvin would be the X factor and his speed is stupid fast. Just big explosive plays and the kickoff return really ignited this team. This team was too complete overall and I am very happy for them and Pete Carroll.  I just want to say a little more on Peyton Manning. If Tom Brady was some Joe Schmo then Manning would be my guy. Hysterical off the field and great on. Easily will go down as the greatest regular season quarterback of all time. But that is all he will get. Top 5 mention when all said in done maybe scoop up the third spot in top 3 but a loss like that kicks him out of top 2 discussion. I would of been pissed if he won because everyone would of put him past Brady in their books. But just like Brady with his unreal season in 07... They lost. Hope Manning never wins another one but something tells me he won't go out till he gets another. Unfortunately for him I got a feeling that Tom Brady has 2 more in him. He is just too hot not to get too more.

End of the day the rack trumps all.

Happy Post Super Bowl Monday

How I feel knowing football season is over... 

(Super Bowl blog coming soon)

1/30/14 picks

Few picks again tonight, starting with Marquette 1st half -2.5 for 1 unit. Marquette under buzz Williams after a SU loss is 17-2 ATS in the 1st half of the next game. 

Other than that pick I just have .5 units on a parlay including 

Marquette 1H -2.5 

BYU -13

Leafs/panther o5.5

Ducks ML

Sharks ML 

To win 7 units. We'll see how shit goes tonight 

Throwback Thursday: Push It by Salt-N-Pepa

Honestly if you don't fuck with Salt-N-Pepa then I don't fuck with you.