Tom Brady Became a Legend Cuz Harvard was a Typical Yuppie-Only-Child-Whiny-Prick

Whats up mothafuckas?

Can't WAIT for the most epic QB showdown in history this weekend between the Pats and Broncos. Shit's gona get intense and house decor is going to be broken (GLASS TABLE!!).

So this is a good time for a little history lesson.

 

I just ran Harvard Stadium this morning (at November Project). I try to every Wednesday morning--how the hell else do you think I am gonna stay Big Red? Well, it turns out that stadium is the reason why the forward pass exists in football. It was the first wing-flap in the butterfly-effect (great movie) that would eventually lead to guys like Tom Brady and Peyton Manning building their legacies, or even being relevant at all for that matter. So when Brady hits Julian Edelman in the end-zone this weekend, or Ninkovich bats a Manning pass and Talib takes it to the house, you can thank Harvard Stadium for that. In fact, you should probably thank it by running up and down its bleachers next Wednesday. And every Wednesday after that. At 6:30am.

Here's the story:
"A view of Harvard Stadium, Allston in the 20's seen behind the track team. Built in 1903, it is America's oldest football stadium.

The Stadium is the reason we have the forward pass in football. After a number of deaths, Pres. Teddy Roosevelt gave college presidents an ultimatum, change the rules or have the game made illegal. One group wanted to widen the field, but Harvard, which was a national football power at the time said they just built this brand new concrete stadium, and couldn't widen the field, so how about letting the ball be thrown? The forward pass was legalized, and now you know the rest of the story."

 

What else would you expect from Harvard than to be a whiny little bitch and tell the president of the free world that he can't make the field bigger because they just made a brand new stadium of rock? They have so much money, daddy could buy them 9 of those stadiums. But Mr. President!, they wanted THIS ONNNNE-ahhhhh. So Harvard stomped its foot and ripped the arms off its little toy doll and cried until it got its way. And jimminy crickets, I'm glad they did. Vuela, my friends, I present to you the forward pass. The rest is history...

 

At that precise moment, the sperm of Bill Belichick's ancestors on mount Olympus was implanted into the vagina of a mortal woman at just the right time, creating the first ever half god/half human baby of the NFL: Bill "Hercules" Belichick. By the time he finished his rigorous training with the Browns and Giants, he would grow to become the most powerful coach in the land and reign down upon this great league on the back of Tom "Pegasus" Brady, who would ride him to defeat the league's titans, unfathomable superbowl wins, and eventually to the gates of football immortality at Olympus' gates once more.

And then we all lived happily ever after.

P.S. - Would someone please deport that Mexican training at Harvard Stadium just so that he can climb the fences at the border? Jesus. THANKS OBAMA.