Would You Rather Wednesday #1

Wow. I'm excited about would you rather Wednesdays. Every Wednesday either Bernie Mac, or I, or whoever else will post a twisted scenario and you all can wrack your brains about what you would rather do. Chances are both options are going to be absolutely terrible so have a ball. The #WYRW may take different forms now and then, potentially with other dumb asses experts weighing in, but for this one I'm just going to give it to you straight and lend you my own opinion to chew on. Oh, and there's basically one cardinal rule of WYR: You have to choose. And you can't create loopholes like a little bitch. DBAP. So here goes:

Would you rather wake up tomorrow with the inability to get a boner for the rest of your life OR wake up completely gay?

 

Caveats: If you choose gay, you have to both pitch and catch to be fair to your gay lovers. You also are fully aware that you used to be straight.

Far from gay, Katie. Faaaar from it.

Gay. Hands down. I know most of you will probably play it all Manti Te'o and be like "Ohh, Big Red, I'm not a fag! blah blah! I love pussy and kegs filled with tits made out of bacon! rahh! Manliness!" Slow down Stone Cold. Let's think about this for a second. All those manly activities pale in comparison to being able to do the one thing that everyone was put here to do: fuck. None of that shit even matters if you can't use the old trouser snake the way God intended. Really, what is the point of being straight if you can't fuck girls? What is the point of having a sexual orientation of any kind if you can't even indulge your needs? It's 2014 bitches, no one cares who you like to put your dick in anymore as long as you're gettin it in somewhere (consensually of course). Only a dude uncomfortable with his sexuality chooses the limp dick on this one IMHO. I don't wanna be depressed my whole life and know that even if I meet a girl, I'll never be able to go the distance, make it rain, do it like they do on the discovery channel, or especially not in the back seat with the windows up the way I like to. Riddle me this? A little WYR within a WYR, like a WYR onion--we're just peeling back the layers here: Would you rather have to explain to your family and friends once that you suddenly turned gay and go on living your happy life? Or have to explain to every cute girl that even remotely wants to bang you that you can't, again and again for the rest of your life? I'll admit, technology has come a long way, but to my knowledge you still can't fuck her with your great personality. What does life really come down to? Happiness. And that's the thing: you're gonna have to fuck dudes, but you're gonna love it. Just accept it. You're a gay now. Oh and you forgot one thing--a gay dude with a functional wiener can still fuck girls--even though technically it's not really your cup of tea anymore. Limp dick boy doesn't even have the option. So sign me up. You can be a sad, sad man dragging a ball and chain around your ankle, forged from a mixture of steel and the tears of false masculinity. The smart ones will be over here talking about fashion and blowing each other. But at least we can smile at ourselves when we go to the mirror to wipe the drizzle off afterward.