Is this "Average"?

Honestly, one of my biggest pet peeves about chicks' pictures online is that I swear you'd think the point was to deceive you instead of actually show you what they look like. Like, if every picture is so close I can see your boogers, I'm gonna assume you are a beluga whale outside the frame. If all you pictures have fancy filters on them, I'm gonna assume you have bad acne or some shit. If all of your pictures are with other, prettier girls, you're not gonna look prettier by association; in fact, you're gonna stick out like a fat sore thumb. If you are wearing sun glasses in every picture, I have to automatically knock you down from a 7 to a 5 cuz why else would you be hiding? Look, the point is, unless you wana get on the the show cat fish, there is no point to tricking people into thinking you look hotter than you are. You just gotta be honest. You'll have to settle for someone who's into your caliber of women, but hey, it's better than wasting your time. I wana know what you're going to look like when I am sitting directly across from you, not what you look like from this such angle, in this such filter, with this such hat on, 5 years ago when you used to be 20 such pounds lighter.

But the worst offenders are the ones who just straight up contradict what you can see in plain sight. Exhibit A, this girl who listed her body type as "Average."

What in the name of Pistol Pete are you talking about? You must have misread the question "What is your body type" as "What is your body type in relation to the average Division 3 college lineman,"--easy mistake. I can see you right here in this picture that you consumed two whole leopards immediately before this photo was taken and then fashioned their skin into your dress. You are clearly heavyset at best. It's one thing to be overweight. But to be overweight and think that I'm gonna see the word "average" and be like, "Oh, well she looks fat in all six of these pictures, but she must not be cuz, I mean, she put average, dude," is ludicrous. I'm sure you're a nice girl and all down (really, really) deep, but self denial is not healthy, babe. And neither are those 12 baconators I know you have stuffed in your purse. I guess some people just have a very subjective definition of average.

Big Red, out.

P.S. - That 12 burgers line reminded me. Next time I go to the McDonalds drive-thru and they ask what I want, I kinda wana just try saying "The value menu."

P.P.S. - Or maybe this in genius? Maybe I'll put that I'm 6'3" and have to buy especially tailored pants to fit my Jurassic Pork and when they meet me in person they will just forget?