Week 1 of Okcupid, Soul Mate Found.

As promised I've started my journey for love on OkCupid. Noticed a couple trends right off the bat. First of all, one of the basic profile questions is "What is the first thing people notice about you," and I shit you not, 98.9% of the girls on there say my smile and my eyes. Try being a little creative ladies, everyone knows people notice your eyes and mouth first for cryin out loud; probably because you are talking to them and hence they have to.

"I think we both know."

My personal favorite was from this girl who we'll say has a "healthy" chest. her answer to "what do most people first notice about you" was "I think we both know." Love it. Straight to the point and honest. That's what you need in a soul mate. She also answered the question, "How would you categorize your sex drive compared to other people your age and gender?" She could have picked average, above average, below average. Nope, she picks "insatiable." Aka if she's not chewing on a tubesteak or blowing a beef whistle for more than a couple minutes, all hell breaks loose. There ain't a fire hose this side of the Mississippi that has enough water in the tank to satisfy this chick's yearning for the ol' purple-headed yogurt slinger. It don't matter if your meat thermometer's about to ding, this turkey needs more cookin! She's the Hercules to your one-eyed-monster. The King Arthur to your Excalibur. The Poo-Bear to your honey hose. The Bin Laden to your weapon of ass destruction. The Kobayashi to your mayo shooting hotdog gun. The Laura Croft to your Womb Raider. She-lika-da-way-da-dick-taste.

Anyway, to the question: "Would you allow your partner to decide what you wear to bed?" she said "Yes, always." I'll tell ya what, be careful what you wish for Ms. "Verdictless" (her screen name) cuz I've got more ideas on what you should wear to bed than days left in your life. Next question: "Have you ever had sex with a person within the first hour of meeting them?" Answer: "Yes." Well, I came to this site to find my soul mate and avoid the weird sex addict people, but I think what we've learned here today is that if you look a little deeper, you find that Jesus is trying to tell me that they are one in the same. I'll see you on wedding day. Best part is, she's already dressed.